She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
