whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
