im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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