Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
