Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
