Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
