He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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