Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
