I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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