when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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