i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
