your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
this just has baby written all over it
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
