Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
