I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
