I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Soap is not a condiment
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
