If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
