You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
