OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Enjoy the penises
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
