Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
