For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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