You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
