It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
