in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
