I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
