My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
