is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
