you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
