two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Operation Purity has been aborted
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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