Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
