I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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