that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
