You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
