I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
