I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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