and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
