A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
