Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
