We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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