A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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