i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
