hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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