Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
vagina is talking i cant
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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