Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
