I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
