Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
