I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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