Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
