the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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