You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
