i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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