we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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