just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
