ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
