Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
