oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
