I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
