Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
