And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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