i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
