And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
