The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
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lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
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I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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