yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
