So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
